Bones and Swords
by CrystalMoonlightII
Summary: Grima has trapped Robin with no way to escape. To find freedom he must defeat Grima's ultimate champion. However, things are about to take a very different turn indeed. Is the tactician ready to face somebody like Sans? Will this become the craziest encounter ever known? It is time to find out... (Rated T for some typical Sans humor and a little bit of dark imagery! ONESHOT)


**Honestly, I just wrote this little project at random because I'm feeling in a good mood today. Here we see two warriors of very different worlds clash. However, things might not turn out as you expect. Please enjoy this project, and thanks again to my returning readers for all of the continued support! This is just a bit ot fun, so I wouldn't take it too seriously.  
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 **I would reccomend that you listen to Megalovania and Together We Ride while you read this story!**

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 **Bones and Swords**

The power of an evil so divine held the potential to wipe out the entirety of humankind. Alone, in the darkest of shadows, stood the lone warrior, the sole hope for the tormented land in Ylisse. Silver hair and eyes of sapphire, the robes of a swordsman decorated with the crest of the Ylissean royalty. Breathing steadily, he brought his sword to bare. The sight of such encroaching darkness, it filled him with determination. Losing here was not an option, not when so much rode on the outcome of this battle.

"I am not just some toy to be played with at your whim, Grima. My name is Robin, the Silver Knight of Ylisse, and today… you will meet your end!" With every passing moment, the heartbeat of the young tactician thumped even harder.

Alas, surrounded by the twisted nether of shadows, he closed his eyes in prayer; "….Chrom… and my darling Severa… please watch over me in this… my final battle."

"Your prayers will go unanswered here, warrior. In the deepest planes of hell… nobody can hear you scream." From intoxicating darkness came hollow footsteps. There he stood, Grima. A mirror image that embodied the darkest traits of Robin's existence.

Chuckling with sadistic glee, the wicked doppelganger marched forth with a dark tome clutched between his pale fingers. "Your final fight will not be against me… Robin… warrior of Ylisse. You will face my ultimate champion, instead."

This certainly was an unexpected development indeed. Confused by the words of his nemesis, Robin raised his brow in questioning, "You capture me and trap me... within this distorted nexus of evil… and yet you do not wish for me to fight _you_?"

Grima howled in vicious laughter and threw his head back with the splendor of a maniac most deranged, "YOU FOOL! Did you truly think I would waste my limitless power fighting you myself?"

Opening the book, Grima brought his gaze upon his foe, "Beyond this realm I have allies with more power than you could possibly comprehend. Prepare yourself… for this conflict will single the end of the world you hold so dear.

"Enwoven darkness, power most true… open the path to the portal of eternal damnation. Summon forth thy champion… from the world beneath the ground. Sever thy seal and unleash thy will…."

Robin clutched his sword. The ground rumbled beneath so violently that it almost knocked him down. He watched in silent awe as bright runes of white light erupted from the ground, swirling and combining as if commanded by a higher power.

"What manner of sorcery is this?" Robin uttered with great unease as he readied for what was to come, "Grima… do you dare use for forbidden magic? You could crack the very foundation of our world…."

"The world? HAH! Pathetic mortal! This is _my_ world to do with as I please, and once you are vanquished… nothing will stand in my way." In one final mighty roar, Grima surrendered to the will of the magic within. An eruption of energy spewed forth, consuming absolutely evening.

"My eyes," Robin staggered back, "I cannot see a thing in this light!"

Pain most pure, a searing flame of agony coursed through the tacticians mind, "Remember… Robin…. You will only be granted the opportunity to face me… if you can best my champion in battle."

"Grima," Robin winced, clutching his forehead as if his head were about to split, "Get out of my mind! I command you! LEAVE ME!"

"As you wish… mortal… prepare to die."

* * *

When the intense light finally cleared, Robin found himself looking onward, his expression aghast, "Just what manner of creature are you?"

"So, human…. It looks like you've made the wrong person, angry! My good friend Grima has asked me to deal with you… for the greater good of his plans."

Stretching out a skeletal hand, the peculiar individual let out an amused chuckle and smiled, "The name's Sans, friend. Now… let me ask you a question…. Would you like to play a game with me?"

"What in the name of all that is holy are you?" Robin watched nervously, his sword hand trembled the slightest bit as he spoke. He stood face with a robed skeleton complete with an overly cheerful smile.

Why did they always act like this when he was summoned from his faraway world to kill them? Honestly, Sans just couldn't understand it, "Relax, old buddy of mine! I'm not going to destroy you horribly… well not right away, at least!"

"Now then," Sans continued as he clasped his bony fingers together. "I'll let you into a little secret…. I'm going to throw everything I've got at you… if you can survive until I get bored… you're free to go!"

The skeleton continued to watch as Robin his breathing and fell into a stance to aid in calming his nerves; "Very well," he spoke in agreement with a look to Sans' proposal, "But am still having a little trouble wrapping my head around this scenario."

"Goodness me! How hard can it be to grasp this situation? My name is Sans… and I used to be a very good friend of Grima when he travelled between dimensions to party with me and my bro, Papyrus!"

"But," Robin struggled intensely to get all of this into perspective. Such news, it felt a little shattering to his concept of reality. "Grima is the dark overlord of eternal destruction. Are you telling me that he secretly parties in other dimensions? Such a thing just doesn't seem… well… possible."

"Ohhhh yeah!" Sans simply let out a little chuckle and waved the whole thing off as it were nothing. "Don't let his evil façade fool you," he continued, "Secretly; Grima is a really cool guy! That is… unless you come from this world… then he's kinda… not so fun!"

"Then… let me ask you something… Mister Sans." Robin had an idea. This 'Sans' fellow seemed to be very happy, at least at a glance. Perhaps there was a way to resolve this without fighting?

"Are you absolutely sure that you have to kill me?" Robin asked his question an inquisitive gaze, "What could be so important that you, a jolly gentleman from another world… needs to end my existence?"

"Well you see, human," Sans chuckled, placing a pondering hand upon his chin, "It all started about six months ago… about the same time as the last human left the monster world through the seal, actually…."

Robin ran a hand through his silvery hair and sighed in confusion. This day was getting more and more bizarre by the second. He found it hard to believe that Sans had a valid reason for all of this, "Is this going to be a long story? I seem to be lacking a chair to sit on while I listen."

"Oh, sure buddy; sure," Sans snapped his fingers, and out of nowhere there came a badly constructed sitting implament of wood and nails, "Here ya go! Sit! I really think you should hear this story! After all, it's quite the winner."

Unable to comprehend what would happen if he refused, Robin finally gave a short nod and placed himself on the makeshift seat. Well, it was more of a stool, actually, he thought. "Please, continue. It's not like I'm going anywhere." Setting his sword down, the Ylissean shrugged.

"Yep, that's right, you sit yourself down," Sans chimed enthusiastically. "Say, would you like a hotdog? I'm sure I could whip one up for you."

"A 'hot'... what?" Robin squinted in confusion, "I can't say I've heard of that before. What is it?"

"Oh boy, oh boy," Sans shook his head shamefully and sighed, "This just won't do. I better grab one for you right away!"

* * *

Sans chuckled with glee in preparation for the punchline. He watched Robin inch toward the edge of his seat with a red flush. He laughed so much that it looked as though he was struggling to breathe. Of course, Sans couldn't help but chuckle too, "Finally, a human that understands good jokes when he hears them."

Robin relaxed eventually and took a massive bite out of his hotdog. This strange otherworldly food tasted amazing, he thought, "….Please! You cannot leave me on edge with such things. I have to know what happened between Papyrus and Froggit!"

"Okay, okay!" Sans stood from his own apparent seat of equally bad design and twirled the microphone he now held for some inexplicable reason, "So… then my brother comes out and says… 'Hey beautiful. How about you and I enter the bone zone?' Oh my… I tell you… I haven't laughed so much since the time Papyrus set Undyne's kitchen on fire trying to make a pie!"

Robin tumbled off his chair with a deviously amused grin across mustard covered lips, "Oh Gods…. Such a story reminds me of the time Chrom shouted 'For Ylisse' in his sleep, ran out of his tent naked, and swung a practice sword at one the royal knights! She looked so embarrassed too. She had no idea what to do since he was still asleep the whole time!"

"I bet her response was fantastic," Sans' teeth chattered in amusement as he stood with a grandiose expression, "I imagine her saying something like… 'Sorry Milord. I don't think I fancy a swing on the royal falchion tonight!''

"…Sans!" Robin burst out in hysterics, desperately trying to hold his sides in an attempt to stop the pain. "The tavern wench accent! How in the name of the Light Dragon did you learn to do that? It is simply amazing!"

"Another little trick of mine! Neat, isn't it?" With another fantastically loud snap of the fingers, Sans jumped to his feet. "Well… I must say…. It certainly would be a waste to kill you. After all, Robin… you're a blast to spend time with."

Finally mustering the energy to get back to his feet, Robin climbed up on two wobbly legs and gave a smile, "Oh… I most certainly feel the same way about you. "Say," he continued with an enthusiastic smile, "How about we forget about fighting and simply put or differences aside for today?"

"Well," hand on his chin yet again, Sans gave the idea some thought, "I really should have you dodging some lasers and running for your life, but... I suppose just this once I could let it slide… as long as you promise to listen to my jokes if I visit again. You're the best non-captive audience I've ever had!"

Robin gave an outstretched hand while nodding happily, "You have yourself a deal."

"I would shake on it," Sans brought up one of his hands and gave a whimsical wave, "But I'm all skin and bones you see… minus the skin!"

Another wave of laughter took Robin by storm. His face scrunched in a strange mire of both glee and discomfort, he found himself doubling over a little, "Please… I can't take it anymore! My sides… they ache like you would not imagine."

"Well... how about this one?" Sans prepared to reel off another one-liner, "A sheep and a horse sit down in a bar... They start drinking together, and the sheep says to the horse, 'Baaaa! Why the long face?'"

Sans caught a glance of robin mid deliverey. He seemed fit to burst.

Perfect, it was time to continue, "The horse, obviously not impressed... looks to sheep and says, "'Who sheered your wool too early this season?' The sheep leans closer to the horse and says 'Sorry! You're going to have to speak louder. I can't understand you! Your voice sounds a little... hoarse! Get it?"

Robin, unable to contain his laughs, fell back and slumped against his rickety chair again. "We need somebody like you to tell jokes at our taverns in Ylisse! The farmers and their wives would find you to be very amusing!"

"Oh dearie me. I am extremely funny, aren't I?" Sans gave Robin a pat on the shoulder and smirked, "Well… as fun as this little journey was… I really must be off. Papyrus insisted that I go watch the snail races with him tonight!"

"Going so soon? Oh, very well." However, Robin looked questioningly at his bleak surroundings, "Just how am I supposed to find a way out of this infernal darkness."

Sans outstretched one of his bony fingers and gave a playful little point, "First turn on your left. A secret door should lead you back home. I use secret doors all the time!"

"Thank you, my friend," Robin gave a warm smile and turned away, "Well… I guess I shall be off… 'Imminent threat to mankind if I'm not around' and all such things."

"Okay, Okay," Sans waved him off happily, "But just remember human…. Be safe on your way home, and DON'T GET DUNKED ON!"

Finally face-to-face with the doorway out of his most unusual realm of nightmares, Robin gave one last smile. "I feel as though I have made myself a real friend, today."

Sans looked onward as Robin stepped through the magical escape door, "If Grima asks... I suppose I could just say I half killed him. You can half kill these strange humans, right?"

 **The End**

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 **I want to thank you once again for taking the time to read this. I do hope that you enjoyed it, even though it was totally random. Please feel free to leave me a little feedback if you want to. Your opinions are always welcome. I will see you in the next thing I write. Please keep on supporting both Fire Emblem and the awesome Undertale!**


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